I work in an Episcopal church, and one of the parishioners is an extremely talented photographer. Sunday was the bishop's visitation, and I was at work with my camera; a few parishioners brought cameras, too, including A, whose work I so admire. She showed me one of her shots, and I thought, "Why am I even here?" I was discouraged.
Yesterday morning, I was talking to my coworker Sarah (the wise friend who suggested I reward behaviors instead of scale progress) and said I either need to learn more or give up my aspirations. "I love looking at your pictures!" Sarah told me with a hug. She praised my eye and reminded me not to compare myself to A, or anyone. There's room for different talents, she said.
She's right, of course. A has studied and is semi-professional; she has an amazing eye and the technical skill to back it up. I'm an amateur with a passion, and I've taken exactly one photography class: in high school.
Against that backdrop, I had my second personal trainer session yesterday afternoon. I was nervous but showed up and even mustered excitement. I asked Sal if we could reconfigure the 5-minute warm-up into sets, because even though he doesn't expect me to not need breaks, the breaks feel to me like I'm failing. We did three sets of 12 jumping jacks, high knees and kicks. Then three sets of walking lunges, three sets of low planks (holy cow, that was tough — I shook and sweated and shook some more), three sets of crunches and finally three sets of arm exercises with weights. The sets worked great for my mind — they were manageable amounts that I made it through.
Towards the end of my session, Sal's next client came in and started the 5-minute warm-up. I told Sal that my goal at the end of our year of sessions is to do the 5-minute warm-up; he said I'll be able to do it much sooner, and his next client chimed in and said, "Don't worry. You'll totally be able to do it." As I walked out, I thanked her for her encouragement; at that point, she was doing jumps. "I started in November," she said, "and there was no way I could do these then. You'll be surprised how much progress you make." Which is exactly what Sal is always telling me.
At the gym, I'm improving my physical strength and skill with my training sessions. I don't expect to be able to do what someone who's been training longer can do. I didn't compare myself to the next client: I stayed focused and finished my workout, where I am right now.
With that in mind, this morning I emailed A and asked if she has recommendations on places or people that offer photography classes. In the light of a new day, I don't want to give up my aspirations. I want to pursue them.
My goal for today is to embrace where I am right now — with my physical health, my surgery journey, my photography — and not compare myself to others.
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