13 weeks post-op

Tomorrow marks 13 weeks post-op. The scale hasn't been moving much, so I've been trying to focus on my non-scale victories. I really like my life and myself right now. I feel so blessed. 

Two weeks ago, in yoga class, I shared my surgery story with the class. People were wonderfully receptive and open. I talked about grace — how fortunate I am to be in a place where progress and movement come easily, and how I wish I could share that with everyone. 

This morning, driving to yoga, I was thinking that for me, grace comes after a period of hard work that seemingly yields no results until BAM! I jump forward. That place where hard work and grace intersect is a place that interests me, a place of growth and of transformation.

And then I realized: hard work continues in the state of grace — but somehow it doesn't feel hard. It's completely manageable. 

Different topic, same approach?

This morning I also was thinking about writing. I write all the time in my head but rarely actually type the words. That's the scary part. That's the part where I could fail. 

And then I thought of where I am with exercise. I'm walking, I'm going to the gym, I'm working with a trainer, I'm going to yoga. I'm trying not to mind, and mostly succeeding, that I'm the slowest person on a treadmill. I'm not letting my inexperience stop me from doing yoga. I'm not letting fear or shame stop me from doing personal trainer sessions.

If I can do all of that, things that a year ago seemed impossible, then surely I can apply the same attitude to writing. I am where I am. I might be slow. I might be clumsy, out of practice. But I can begin, and be gentle with where I am, knowing I'm transforming. 

And... a scale victory

The scale moved the middle of last week, then again over the weekend. I've lost 51 pounds since July, 35 since surgery. My next scale milestone: 7.5 more pounds, when I'll officially be classified as "obese" on the BMI scale, rather than "morbidly" or "extremely obese."