Day before surgery

I've been reading blogs by other gastric sleeve patients and was struck by a woman who said she hadn't listened to the doctors when they said surgery is just a tool, and that she hadn't thought about life after surgery. I was amazed. Partially because, if anything, I overthink things, and partially because I so much want this to work, I've thought lots. And lots.

Finding a therapist

Even before I started the surgery process, I wanted to find a therapist who specializes in food issues. I didn't know how to go about it, so I asked at my ob/gyn's office, figuring a medical office for women would have resources. Nope. I asked at the breast care center. No luck there, either. It wasn't until I after I started the process and met with the social worker at Beth Israel that I found a tool. If you go to psychologytoday.com, you can use their "Find a therapist" tool. You enter a zip code and, if you want, a focus area, and they serve up results for you to review. 

I figured that to be as overweight as I am, I must do lots of emotional eating. One of the first things my therapist, Julie, had me do was keep food journals. Each day, I wrote down the time and what I ate, along with any strong emotions. And I learned something fascinating: I'm actually not much of an emotional eater. Most of the time, I choose food based on what tastes good. 

Clearly, that's not good enough criteria. Taste matters, but so does nutrition — and that has to become a factor in my choices. That will be even more true when most of my stomach is gone, because with less capacity, I'll have to focus on getting enough nutrients. 

Tweaking the behavior

But I had a brainstorm one day. As far back as I can remember, I've picked at my fingernails and the skin around them. A couple of years ago, I finally managed to break the habit and grow my nails. Still, I futz with my fingers — I just don't pick them. Ultimately, I didn't completely reinvent my behavior, I tweaked it. What if, I wondered, I could do the same with food? And that's my goal. Instead of only thinking about what tastes good, I'll think about what tastes good and what provides my body with what it needs to function healthfully. I think that will work. 

Day before surgery

The day before surgery, Beth Israel asks you to eat your "real food" meal for breakfast or lunch. I had my usual shake for breakfast and a Healthy Choice meal for lunch — my last solid food for a while. It seemed like it should have been momentous in some way — but it wasn't. 

I've been thinking lots. Am I sure I want to do this? Yes, I am. It's a huge, serious step, but it's the right one for me, and I'm as ready as I can be.

Last summer, I started a "healthy successes jar." Each day when I did something healthy, I wrote it on a slip of paper and put it in an old mason jar. Sometimes it was going for a walk, sometimes drinking more water, sometimes ordering a salad instead of something fried. My plan was to build the positive, healthy energy, and to compile healthy decisions so I could review them if I was struggling. 

Tonight, my husband and I will start another jar. On little slips of paper, we'll write activities we want to do when I'm healthier (kayaking, hiking, gardening, etc.) and place them in another mason jar. Later this year, we plan on working our way through them. I think that's the perfect energy to carry me through my last night before surgery.