Bumps in the road

Well, I knew it was bound to happen, and this week it did. Things got bumpy. 

It started Thursday afternoon, ironically on the way home from my therapist. We'd talked about how ready I am, mentally, emotionally and physically. How I'm doing well on the pre-surgery diet, looking at it as an investment in the rest of my life. How my husband and a good friend are alternating taking off days from work so I won't be alone for a week after surgery, even when I'm home. How I have a jigsaw puzzle set up on the kitchen table to distract myself. 

And then, on the way home, I wanted to pull in the Burger King drive-through. 

I thought about it. I considered. And I decided not to: I wanted to fight through it to show myself I could. So I did, and as far as bumps go, it was a minor one. 

The next day on the way home from work, hunger struck again. "McDonald's?" I thought. (Yes, fast food is a weakness.) "Ooh, a small pizza." Again, I seriously considered, and this time, I came close to caving. Instead, though, I got home and made myself a protein shake. 

Too damn sweet!

Part of the problem, I think, is that I haven't been eating on schedule so I'm getting hungrier than I should. A chocolate shake for breakfast, a chocolate-peanut-butter bar for lunch and a chocolate-caramel bar for snack is too much sweetness for me. This means I'm avoiding my bars and not eating on schedule. I've decided to forgo the bars for the next day or two and have shakes instead. 

I ordered two brands of whey protein isolate recommended by my dietician at Beth Israel: Unjury, which I ordered in vanilla, unflavored and chicken soup flavors, and Nectar, in pink grapefruit. Unjury vanilla mixed with 1% milk is sweet but not terribly so, and Nectar pink grapefruit mixed with water isn't at all sweet.

After work yesterday, my husband went grocery shopping, came home and cooked me dinner. We split a steak (our food scale is dead, but we think I ate 5 ounces of meat instead of 4), cauliflower that he mashed with fat-free Greek yogurt and a tablespoon of fat-free sour cream, and spinach sauteed in water with garlic. I had a small glass of wine, too, about 4 ounces. It was SO good, and even though I was slightly off plan, I really enjoyed it. My husband takes care of me in so many ways, but he really stepped up, without me asking, and it was wonderful. 

I was up 2 ounces on the scale this morning (down a total of 14 pounds from my highest in July), and I'm okay with that.

Support

My husband, though nervous about my surgery, totally supports me. He's eating protein bars and shakes with me, with Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice meals for dinner, and he's mostly given up coffee. We talk about things we want to do after surgery: kayaking (by the time I was interested, I was worried I wouldn't fit in one), gardening and hiking (which I used to love but haven't had the energy for in years), riding my husband's Jet-Ski (right now we surpass the maximum weight). That's why I chose surgery: I want to live a long time, and I want to LIVE.