364 days later

Have you noticed the radio silence around here? There are a few reasons.

First, much of my life is (beautifully) a non-event. Camping in October meant getting up and down from the ground several times a day. No problem. Watching my friend's 1-year-old, jumping up from the floor to follow him around? No problem. Doing a 5K after months of not being as active as I'd been?

Well, that was a little problem, but I still finished and even beat my first 5K time from last fall by about a minute.

The other reason: I've been living, in many ways, as a normal person rather than as a weight-loss patient.

That has positive and negative repercussions, which I'd like to explore another time. For tonight, I'll say that I could work harder. I could be more disciplined. I make many food choices based on nutrition, but I could eat fewer carbs, indulge less frequently, drink less alcohol. I could be more active.

Tomorrow is my one-year surgery anniversary, so I'm extra reflective. Where am I?

In spite of the things I could do better, I'm in an amazing place. My husband and I started the year by doing a 5K on January 1st. I hadn't been to the gym in months and haven't been exercising at home, either. I seriously contemplated backing out — but I didn't want to. And what's more, I actually wanted to do the 5K. I wasn't sure how much I'd be able to run, but I knew I could walk all of it and run at least a little. And I wanted to do it.

A year ago, walking a 5K would have been impossible.

So even though I'm feeling very human and very aware of my struggles and weaknesses, I'm incredibly proud of my progress in the last year — and incredibly grateful. I don't feel trapped; I feel free to live my life. I don't feel hopeless; I'm living a healthier and happy life, with room for even more good health!

I've received amazing support. From my husband. From my friends and family, near and far, and neighbors. From my boss and coworkers, from parishioners at the church where I work. So many of you have accepted my choice and offered words of encouragement or simply listened.

I feel strong. Proud. Grateful. Alive. Human. Flawed.

I feel empowered to move forward in health.