Yesterday was 19 weeks post-op, and the big news this week was the scale: I lost 4.8 pounds for a total of 64 down from my highest, 48 since surgery.
Fitness
My fitness journey continues: I did my second full-hour session with my trainer, Paul and I did a jogging lap around the empty side parking lot on our way to do cardio (a new habit?), and I bought a heart-rate monitor. My (virtual) fitness buddies recommended the Polar FT4; another friend recommended the FT7. I chose the FT7 because it has a few more features but honestly because I preferred the color choices.
The FT7 has a chest band and a watch. The first time I used it, I learned something interesting: I'm happiest working out a little below my target heart rate. The monitor helps me push harder without pushing too hard.
NSVs
I had a few good NSVs this week.
* A few years ago, I bought a pair of shoes from DanskoOutlet.com. They were too tight and have been sitting under my bed. I tried them on this week, and they fit perfectly!
* In BJs this afternoon, I dared to walk through the clothing section. I've been searching for plain V-neck t-shirts, which they had. I bought three XL shirts, thinking they'd be too small — but I think they fit. My husband says they do, so I guess they do... but I've been in plus sizes for so many years that I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around fitting in regular sizes.
* I dropped off my BJs purchases at home, changed and went to the gym. This is huge because normally once I'm home, I don't leave again. I was really dragging and cut myself a break on my workout; I did 10 minutes on the elliptical at target heart rate, 10 minutes on the treadmill at target heart rate, and then 20 minutes slower on the treadmill (instead of 25 at target heart rate). But I got to the gym and did some cardio, so it's a win.
Tomorrow is 18 weeks post-op, and it's my birthday, too.
One year ago, I was excited to turn 40 off the coast of Norway. My husband and I did a trip to my dad's native country, and we spent 10 nights on this ship. The morning of my birthday, the sun was shining and it was surprisingly warm. We were docked in Trondheim, and my husband and I started towards town.
I was miserable. I was hot. I was sweating. We had to walk 2 kilometers to town, and I was horribly out of shape. Walking was work. Walking was hard. Walking while hot and sweaty was almost unbearable.
I was ashamed I was so out of shape. I was ashamed I wasn't able to be a normal tourist and enjoy where I was. I was ashamed I'd let myself reach this point, and I panicked because I'd tried so many things to lose weight, and I couldn't see a different way forward. I felt trapped and doomed.
Looking back, I see that birthday — and that trip — influenced my decision to have weight-loss surgery. Needing to ask for a seatbelt extender on the plane. Having the airplane seat divider dig into my leg and hip. Worrying whether I would fit in public restrooms. Getting out of breath going up a flight of stairs, and not fitting well in one kind of deck chair on board our ship. Missing out on walks with my husband because I didn't have the energy or the strength. Missing out on sightseeing when we visited my cousins in Copenhagen because I couldn't walk enough.
In the airport when we were coming home, I leaned towards Paul and whispered, "Am I as big as that woman?" Paul looked at me questioningly. "I'm not trying to be mean. She looks huge to me, and then I realized maybe I'm that huge, too."
I think Paul said I'm not that big, but the impact had been made, and although I didn't articulate it at the time, I did not want the life I had.
A year later, I love the life I have. I love that I'm healthier. I love that I'm getting fit, that I feel better, that I have more energy. I love that I don't feel trapped by my body and its limitations. I love living my life in ways I could only dream of a year ago.
I'm super-proud and excited: This morning I did my first full-hour session with my trainer!
Since I started working with Sal at the beginning of April, we've done two 30-minute sessions a week. Last week we did one 45-minute session, and today we did one 60-minute session.
When I do cardio at the gym, my body has been wanting to go faster than the 3.1 mph I've been walking on the treadmill. I've tried to speed up, but my feet and shins hurt; instead, I've added in 10 minutes on the elliptical. I can't go fast — I'm doing 40-something revolutions per minute — but it definitely is helping me increase my stamina.
Although it feels like my body wants to jog, I've been hung up in my mind. Truly, I've never been a runner. Or jogger. Even in junior high and high school gym class, when we ran laps, I always ended up walking part of it. If I couldn't do it when I was 15, why would I think I could do it at 40, weighing a hundred pounds more?
This morning, we did most of my session outside in the empty side parking lot. After I did walking lunges,jumping jacks, heel kicks and squats, Sal said, "You might not be excited about this, but I'm going to have you do a lap."
"A walking lap?" I asked hopefully.
Sal shook his head.
"A jogging lap?"
He nodded. "Try it, and if you need to stop jogging and do a fast walk, that's totally fine."
I told Sal my body's been wanting to go faster, but I've never been a runner and why would I be able to do it now. "You have to get rid of those thoughts," he said, and told me about another client who had never run and is now doing half marathons.
Okay, then. I've committed to trying what Sal recommends, so off I went. I didn't expect to be able to jog the whole parking lot — but I did! And it wasn't brutal. And then, after I caught my breath, I did it again.
Sal was pleased. "Before you know it, you'll be doing five laps without stopping," he said. And you know, he's probably right.
After my laps, I did side lunges up the handicap ramp, followed by bicep curls and leg extensions on weight machines. And voila! An hour had passed. I thought I'd need to hold onto the railing going up the stairs, but I was fine. Sore, but fine. And proud as hell.
Today has been a great day for NSVs.
* This morning, I snuggled with Becca on the bedroom floor. When it was time to get up, I mentally groaned — and then I remembered it's not hard to get up off the floor anymore.
* My FitBit tells me I climbed 13 floors today. The church where I work had a pie-baking competition tonight, and in my running up and down stairs, I didn't get the least bit out of breath.
* Today's weather was thick and rainy, and the air inside was heavy and warm. I definitely noticed, but I wasn't a miserably hot, sweaty, self-conscious mess. It was awesome!
The scale didn't move much this week; I'm down .4 ounces, for a total of 57.4 pounds since my highest, 41.4 since surgery. However, this week has been hugely successful. There was yesterday's victory of getting rid of chips and dip, then battling (and beating) head hunger, and I've also had some NSVs with my trainer, Sal.
Last Friday, I told Sal that I thought I was ready to do more than 30 minutes at a time. Sunday, we did 45 minutes — and I was fine. Sal noticed that my recovery time between exercises is much improved, and I could feel that. And tomorrow, we're aiming for a full 60-minute session.
This afternoon on my way home, I stopped at the grocery store. I'd had Greek yogurt, berries and 1/4 cup granola around 11:30 am, and it was about 2:30 when I landed at Shaw's. I bought berries, veggies, protein. Then I decided I wanted a little bag of chips, and I walked down the chip aisle. No small bags, but I picked up a big bag of my favorite: kettle-cooked. Then to the dairy aisle for my favorite dip.
At the checkout, I always look at the health of what I'm buying. Today was largely healthy — with two glaring exceptions.
At home, after unpacking what I'd bought, I realized I needed to eat something, and I drank a protein shake. Then I bagged the chips and dip and walked to my neighbor's house. Her husband loves chips and dip (and is a healthy weight) so handing them over was a win-win. He looked in the bag, saw everything was unopened, and asked, "Don't you want any?"
"Nope," I said firmly. "I don't need them."
For dinner, I made protein and veggies, and ate (as usual) mostly protein. I'm not physically hungry, but I'm thinking about those damn chips. I think this is called head hunger, and while I'm sure I've experienced it, this is the first time I've been aware of it.
It sucks.
That leaves me two choices, right? I can distract myself, or I can sit with it. One of the things we work on in my yoga and meditation class is breathing through the tension, and I think it's a good thing to practice.
So... onward. Even when that means breathing through the discomfort.
My next scale goal has been my weight dropping to where I'm not in the highest obesity category on the BMI scale. And this morning, I made it!
I'm down 57 pounds since my highest, 41 since surgery. My BMI is down from 48.8 at my highest — class 3 obesity, sometimes called high-risk, morbid or super — to 39.3, or class 2/moderate risk.
Before my surgery, the bariatric team at Beth Israel told me I might always be considered "overweight" according to the BMI scales, and I'm okay with that. I'm even more okay with it after a friend shared with me her doctor said she's considered obese on the BMI scale. This friend is fit and I'd guess a size 10 or 12 — and if that's considered obese, I'm 100% fine with it.
Some recent non-scale victories (NSVs):
- I've been trying to increase my speed on the treadmill. It makes my arches and shins hurt, so I worked up the nerve to try the elliptical. I've only ever made it 3 minutes on an elliptical, but I did 10. On two different days.
- Late
yesterday afternoon when I woke up from a nap, I decided I wanted to go to
the gym. (The day before I didn't end up exercising, and I didn't want to skip two days in a row.)
- In my session this morning, my trainer watched me do jumping jacks and then said, "You look a lot better doing those. Your form is great, and your speed has really picked up."
