For the past few weeks (maybe even a month?), I've been wanting a chocolate chip cookie. When I told Paul, he asked me why. "I want the chocolate, and the butter, sugar and flour," I replied after thinking.
Rather than eating a junk cookie from somewhere, I decided to bake. I'll eat 1 (or, realistically, 3), Paul can have some, and the rest will go out of the house so I'm not tempted to eat more. I'm not using a sugar-free recipe — I'm talking lots of sugar, butter and chocolate chips.
I decided to bake today because I have the day off and my in-laws are coming for supper — so there'll be extra people to help eat the cookies. The cookies look and smell delicious, but I haven't had one yet. Most days, I don't eat breakfast — it takes a while for my tummy to wake up, it seems — and today is no different. I know that if I eat a cookie on an empty stomach, without a foundation of protein, my blood sugar will tank and I'll feel miserable. As I sit sipping my protein shake, I'm wishing all choices were as easy as this one.
Late last night, lying in bed before I fell asleep, I wanted a snack. Specifically, I wanted 15 Kashi 7-Grain crackers (or 1 portion). Instead, I meditated and fell asleep. That wasn't an easy decision, but it was another healthy one.
Even without the crackers, I went over my calories yesterday thanks to two margaritas, and I've been going over my calories a lot lately. I've been content to rest here for a few weeks, but now I'm refocusing. I'm much healthier than I was, but not as healthy as I'd like to be.
So why eat a cookie (or 3)? Because I'm not on a diet. This is my life; this is my forever. I have to learn to make food choices that fit my goal of health. For me, deprivation does not work forever; moderation is a much better bet.
You're being so wonderfully mindful through this new life of yours. I was impressed just to read that first sentence - wanting a cookie for more than a couple hours (much less weeks) without running out and buying one is more willpower than I've exerted in a long time. After reading that you've made it easy for me to choose to walk to the concert downtown rather than hopping in my car (in the AC ahhhhh)
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